Summer flings, cuffing season… In your shoujo journey, don’t you wish you had a go-to manual for spotting the red and green flags while dating?
Your favorite shoujo protagonists are often entangled in romance. Whether that’s love triangles, a lovers’ quarrel, or an inability to confess. Sometimes, as we immerse ourselves in the story, we put ourselves in the character’s shoes and feel the emotional and mental weight of their struggles.
Relationships are complicated. Yes. But sometimes, they don’t have to be.
Here are the red, green (and yellow?) flags we spotted in our favorite shoujo to help you spot what to look for (and not look for) the next time you connect romantically with someone. Now, do you want the bad news or the good news first?
Trigger warning: SA, incest
Shoujo Red Flags (DANGER!)
Dengeki Daisy – the suspicious age gap
As a 16-year-old high school girl, if you found out a 24-year-old man was messaging you and was essentially pretending to be your “penpal,” with a moniker named “Daisy,” saying he’s trying to protect you and hiding their identity because he doesn’t want you to know the truth, realistically…shut that device down.
Sometimes, even your own family members don’t have your best interests at heart. As an adult brother to a younger sibling, why would you ask your hacker co-worker, whom your sister does not know, to watch over her? Even over your own girlfriend.
Was anyone really protecting Teru? There has to be a better (and less weird) way to make sure an orphan child is taken care of.
Vampire Knight – girl, you’re related
If you’re reading this, you’re probably a human and not actually a vampire. So, the taboos apply to you. If someone makes you think that they’re your blood-related brother, and you both continue to look at each other romantically after their confession, then this calls for serious concern.
Therefore, you should probably not fall in love with your relative. *The flag is raised!*
Ao Haru Ride – notify a trusted adult
The teacher-student “love” trope isn’t my favorite. At first, you think it’s an innocent crush…that is…until the adult acts on their end. Then, it’s the danger zone.
While Mr. Tanaka (teacher) doesn’t end up pursuing a romantic relationship with Shuko (high school student), especially knowing that the relationship would be inappropriate, it’s still implied that he had feelings for her. And there were several moments where his behavior was inappropriate towards his other students, even when he didn’t realize it.
For example, childishly implying to his “rival” Kominato (a student) that he would take Shuko (his crush) away from him if he doesn’t take action soon.
“And when I’m no longer your teacher, I won’t go as easy on you as I am now.” Who says that?
Shoujo Green Flags (GO FOR IT!)
School Babysitters – that’s a good man
A tsundere girl in love with a kind, gentle boy? Now that’s a trope that I can get with.
Daycare children Kotaro and Kirin mistake Inomata’s (confusing) crush on Ryuichi for hate. And in an effort to prove the chibis wrong, Inomata plays along with their antics in showing Ryu’s “good sides.”
In a pressured situation, baby Kirin asks Inomata if she likes Ryu in front of the class. Naturally for her, she nervously shouts denial and runs away.
But what melts the heart of a tsundere? A sweet, calm and considerate person. No matter how harsh Inomata reacts, Ryu seems to always be mindful of others first.
Influenced by Ryu’s kind-heartedness, Inomata continues to open up about her troubles throughout the series and eventually finds solace in the School Babysitters Club.
Otomen – breaking the mold
I have a special place in my heart for protagonists who break gender norms.
Asuka’s troubled between people-pleasing his mother by becoming a “manly man” or enjoying his feminine pleasures without guilt. On his journey of figuring out how to be himself without feeling judged, he meets a female classmate named Ryo and develops a crush on her.
After a few moments of feeling ashamed to share his true passions (like cooking cute bento meals, sewing and reading shoujo manga), Asuka quickly finds relief in Ryo’s words.
When Asuka says, “Being an Otomen or whatever is something that I can’t be proud of as a man though,” Ryo replies: “That’s not true! It’s cute!”
To his surprise, it felt like a lot of weight fell off of his shoulders hearing those words coming from his crush.
Hana-Kimi – Li Shang (Mulan) could never
Mizuki is a girl determined to follow her dreams and learn the truth of why her high-jumper idol (and crush), Sano, stopped doing what he loves. She moves to Japan to attend an all-boys school in disguise–and even ends up being his roommate!
What Mizuki doesn’t know is that Sano secretly knows she’s a girl. If anyone found out she was a girl, she wouldn’t be allowed to go to that school anymore.
So, he doesn’t share with Mizuki what he knows about her. Nor does he threaten her with that information. He even develops a crush on her!
Sano knows the circumstances of the situation and respectfully goes along with it, so as to make sure she doesn’t feel uncomfortable. (Although, Mizuki doing all that effort to get closer to Sano may be, um, in real-life, a little weird!)
Tamon’s B-Side – respect is key
Not all fangirls are scary! Take Utage for example.
What could’ve easily been a bad stalker storyline happens to be a fan who shows genuine care for the well-being of their idol.
Behind closed curtains, Tamon’s actually an anxious being. But guess who helps him get out of his shell? His housekeeper (and fan), Utage.
She not only has a deep respect for Tamon but holds herself accountable as she understands the predicament that she’s in as a fan and employee. Regardless, she still shows her true personality and doesn’t shy away from either title, which is why Tamon ends up being fond of her.
Utage –the housekeeper and friend– encourages Tamon during his lows, and as a fan, cheers for him when he has to turn face on stage. We love a girl who respects boundaries!
Shoujo Yellow Flags? (WARNING)
Not everything is obvious. That’s why mixed-signals are a thing. It’s why you talk with friends to get their opinion on a situation so you can better understand what something means.
Galism – maybe you *can* fix him
The youngest sister of the gyaru siblings–Ran gets preyed upon by delinquent teenage boys due to her connection to Araki (the “bad boy” lead and love interest). Araki had beaten up those same boys the previous day.
Mistaken as his girlfriend in the first chapter, the boys hold her hostage at a karaoke room, calling Araki in hopes he comes to her rescue, only for him to respond with, “Ah~ I don’t know her.”
Realistically, if it wasn’t for her sisters and Kento coming to the rescue, who knows what they would’ve done to Ran?
Devastated that Araki didn’t show any bit of care, a small light of hope struck Ran.
Gasping for air to find out where those boys ran off to, she caught a glimpse of Araki, who appears to have beaten those boys up again.
Guess who’s in love again!
Ouran High School Host Club – flirting vs. nonchalant
It’s just his job! At least, that’s what I tell myself…
Hypothetically, would you date an actor? What if they had to act in love with someone else? I always felt this was a topic that divides the masses.
As a host, Tamaki has to make the girls swoon. Flirt, if you will. It’s what a host club does.
While Haruhi “Nonchalant” Fujioka doesn’t express any qualms (or outwardly interest in Tamaki in the beginning), it’s still an interesting and uncommon dynamic to be in. I mean, she is a host too.
What would you do?
Psychic Princess – communicate, please
I don’t expect two people in an arranged marriage to fall in love with each other. I mean, it’s typically against their own will, and oftentimes, they have other people they’re in love with. But the enemies to lovers trope of the Psychic Princess anime is intriguing.
One thing I would recommend in all love scenarios: communicate effectively.
Prince Ye Youming shows his love in mysterious ways. Instead of verbally confessing his affection for Princess Qian Yunxi and expressing to her how much he actually wants her by his side, he does things like taking advantage of dire situations.
When the princess is confronted by all the concubines, the prince uses this as an opportunity to punish her (by rewarding himself).
He slyly “promotes” the princess to “servant.” While he works at his desk, he can watch her clean his office. Which means, he gets to see her everyday.
Sure, it can be cute for entertainment purposes! But in real life, please just tell her how much you love her and how much you want to see her.
My Little Monster – we’re still on the fence for this one
Haru is…unpredictable. You don’t know what he’s going to do next or how he’ll react.
Personally, if my friend (and potential lover) is courageous enough to tell me upfront that, “real friends wouldn’t use you for money” – and that even though she’s no expert in friendships, she would rather have no friends than be friends with them – I wouldn’t throw a drink at them or call them a “bad person” afterwards.
A natural reaction would be to take offense to it, yes, I mean – it feels like you’re taking a jab at my judgement in choosing friends. He didn’t technically ask for her opinion. But perhaps the next step would be to ask why they think that way. (Communicate!)
I could easily put this as a red flag, but Mizutani quickly got her revenge and threw one back. She will not take any disrespect!
